When we last left you - SpiderWoman, the Phantom, The Plumber, the Promoter, Gretel, "the which Micky is that? girls", the Stew Man and the Stew Woman, the Southern Gentleman and his lovely wife and the Pharoah at the door - were all having a feast in Cleopatras bungalo in honor of one of our Hosts - (the one who wears the skimpy black costume whilst talking on the cell phone with his hoagie.) It was about time to make donations with the little plastic cards that get us into "places we have absolutely NO business being." Once we have made our donations - we will ride our dune buggies and camels to the next place of business.
The P and P (Plumber & Promoter for short - cause they are) and the SW & TP - (Spider Woman and THE Phantom - not toilet paper) leave together to meet the next Wayne at the door of "the gilded cage." The ladies all had wonderful lounge chairs reserved in the fourth row of the establishment. The ladies would also meet up with the Lost Angel and the real Angel - who had similar arrangements. In no time the P&P and the SW&TP saw many other weary travelers whom they had met at another gathering (or two) in honor of another of their hosts. The RIGHT host. There were greetings and BIG hugs given in honor of the beige women's favorite fellow. There were smiles everywhere.
Hark! Here comes the One who draws the cartoons and his sidekick - the one who is usually mis-identified! These two travelers crossed our paths earlier in the day - at the Oasis elevator! We say hello and make plans for a later gathering at the tent! The Cartoon Man has a big smile!! Matter of fact he ALWAYS has a big smile - hmmmm - something must make this man so happy - maybe it is that thing we said before about the "stray men who get into Waynes not being so dumb after all?" We make a mental note to ask Cartoon Man later at the Oasis.
The lights dim - and in a FLASH - here comes the man that is known as "Which Micky is THAT?" We said flash cause he is flashing peace signs and all sorts of thumbs up signs and big flashy smiles and big flashy pa------- oh sorry - uh - he has on leather pants that are uh - well uh - ok - shiny?! Yea that's it - shiny! (Whew - that was a-close) Yes the WMIT? man comes singing down the path with his shiny pants and he seems to be collecting flowers. Maybe he is a lost flower child or the 2nd coming of St. Valentine. Well - he is getting enough flowers and cards and there are women fainting and bowing at this feet - so he has got to be somebody - but we are not sure who - cause he has no ponytail and he never got NEAR the drum kit.
The WMIT? man now decides to sing all sorts of strange music that none of us have ever heard (or would admit to having heard) We are the Women of Wayne's remember? We have heard "Can you Dig it?" for the last 30+ years and WE LIKE IT - WE LIKE IT!!! We love peeling grapes and lounging around on pillows. We are confused to say the least. After about 30 minutes of this singing - the WMIT? man decides to leave. He waves at all the women who still think he is St. Valentine and are still throwing flowers and cards. We are still confused.
Finally - but not really finally (which we are REALLY confused about) - a blinding YELLOW blur fairly LEAPS into the ring of light on the floor. OHHHHHHHHHHHHHH it is one of our Hosts - in his Tweety finest! The pink women begin to faint and fall over like dominoes. The beige women are busy picking the pink women up - except for the Plumber who has now transformed herself into a 13 year old teenager and is having so much fun that she forgets anyone else is in the room but her and the Host! No one dares touch or speak to her for fear of breaking the spell.
The beige women are taking notes and hoping that they also instantly become this young when setting eyes on their favorite fellow (who is also a handsome devil and looks MUCH younger than his 30+ years.) The lovely man in yellow begins to sing - and strut - and posture himself all over the floor. He is into the gilded cage - the place where he seems to be most himself and at home. AND where he becomes at least 6 feet tall. The man in yellow begins to enchant the spectators with songs that only this face - this voice - this siren would sing. One by one all the women of Waynes (and the stray men) become younger and beautiful people - and they start to sway and sing along with the man in yellow. Smiling can be heard in the room. The energy level rises and an aura forms around the audience. For an unestimatable amount of time - the room takes on the glow of another era. And another time - and many more places. There are nubile young nymphs weaving daisy chains in the back of the room and painting flowers on their faces.
The Plumber is now quietly whispering with her arms stretched high in the air - reaching out with her fingers grasping the empty air - "jump - we will catch you!" - "throw us your love beads!" - "Daaaavy - Peeeeeeeter!" We notice that the Plumber just dropped a book of matches from the Warwick Hotel with the date 1967 on them - someone soon leans over to put them back into her souvenir box. The Promoter is now sitting silently in her chair next to the Plumber clutching a big black tour book. She is mumbling something about being so far far far far away. The Promoter has tears slipping down her face. The Plumber slips back into reality long enough to pat
The Promoter on the back and assure her that ONE day she will not have to sit in the back row. And that instead of love beads she can make her own very important necklaces. But she will have to be very very patient. The Promoter smiles and puts back on her sunglasses.
The SW & TP (not toilet paper) are suddenly in another time and era. They are both hoisting a HUGE sign saying something about not drafting anyone? and something about ELVIS. The SW & TP are busy taking loads of instamatic camera pictures with little square flash bulbs - cause their host is ok with that. The man in yellow always wears shades. People want to see his - uh well his uh - well not his eyes so he can do that. The man in yellow sometimes forgets that he cannot show his other end - uh - side uh - well not his eyes and he does that from time to time too. The SW & TP (you know the drill) are dancing and dancing and flashing and screaming until the BIG - HUGE pain in the - well not your eyes - comes up with a little flash light thingy and says "sit down and stop that having fun you and you!" Boo boo phooey on and to the BIG - HUGE pain in the not your eyes!
The lost Angel and the real Angel are quietly sitting in their chairs being - well - not younger or more beautiful - well because they do not need any alterations. This is their first era - and they have drunk deeply at the well. They will remember everything and become the story tellers for those to follow. We are grateful that they are paying close attention.
And THEN - suddenly - the sexy yellow blur exits the ring of light and steps down into the aura of light at the front of the room - and into the arms of the women of Wayne's. He is singing and smiling and begins to sign his likenesses. All too soon - a woman runs up the center path - oh NOOOOOOOOOOOO! It can't possibly BE! How did SHE get in here? (we do NOT want to know!) Our host recognizes her and calls her by name - "oh MONICA! oh NO what are you doing here?" Monica has a big gift that she is trying to give to our host and he is saying - oh thanks but no thanks - photo - uh wait - uh maybe not ok?! Don't you HAVE ENOUGH photos already!? The Monica woman then turns red and hides her face and leaves in a panic. The pink and beige and WMIT? women and EVEN the wrong Peter women are really taking notes NOW cause they noticed that this Monica person has been sited quite a lot lately. The Monica person always has photos of herself with her phone number on the back - just in case you need to talk to me - "anytime!" She only gives the little cards to our hosts and the wrong Peter and the WMIT? man. The P&P and the SW&TP have really seen just about enough of Monica lately - and her little cards! hehehehe. Our host fairly leaps back into the ring of light - out of the grasp of Monica. The women of Wayne's are relieved that he used such good judgement and can leap so FAST!
The ladies of Wayne's have had a wonderful night with their Host - the "Wrong Peter" and "Which Micky is That?" aka the St. Valentine Clone. Well come to think of it - the ladies have not mentioned the "WRONG Peter" very much because The WRONG PETER was so busy singing about some guy named Henery that NOBODY seems to remember. The beige women really did not CARE about Henery - or anyone else for that matter who could not play the banjo or Bach. The beige women were singing the blues to the refund desks and mumbling something about pulling this wrong peter stuff on them again and shooting someone. It was not a pretty site as these women were trying to force feed DIRT on everyone who made any smarty comments about LIKING the show. The St. Valentine fans just did not understand WHY the beige women talk about dirt so much. They were also too busy wondering if THIS Peter guy originated the hair club for men or if he is secretly Rod Stewarts brother. They also noted that the biege women are a wild and fiesty lot. Hehehehehehe. These wild women never get the blues either - because they are BEIGE baby... remember?!
The singing is over - onto the SIGNing - one of the ONLY signings along the long and winding road that the Host made on THIS particular road. The pink, biege, ST. Valentine (aka WMIT? women) AND WRONG Peter women all get out their finger cymbals and begin to dance into a line. They also get out their assorted Sharpie collections and begin to pull lamps out of their carpet bags - and a few treasures to boot. It is late and I do not have a date - so back to the looking glass.
WE ALL HATE when that happens! To be continued...
Wayne and the Women of Wayne's Room welcome all
of you who ventured through the looking glass (read screen) to the end of this story although there isn't one. We can dig it.